July 16th: Wrong direction

I was driving in the outer oarts of the city and got bit lost. I was suddenly driving on the opposide side of the highway, against all traffic. I made a quick turn, until I saw the cops. I drove to a side street and they did not follow. Hoever I had problems finding a take off lane tonger to where I wanted to go, and just ended up furher away from home.

Something about taking the subway and not being able to buy a ticket because I pushed the pin wrong and some lady taking me aside to help me.

July (beginning): My life is fucked up

Recently I've had dreams about fighting with A. Where I shout at him about him not caring about me nor our daughter. Where I shout at his friends and father. Such as this afternoon while I was taking a nap I was on an island, supposedly A's summer place. We were supposed to be together but he put on "going out" clothes, so I asked if he's going somewhere? "yes, to a party". So he was again leaving me alone, to go with friends, drink and smoke weed. After which I shouted at him and his friends, so that my throat hurt. Then I told everyone that I want to go home. I'd rather take care of the baby at home. But A's farther told me that there is no room in the boat. I was left alone. The island was suddenly a lot bigger, and I was on a sort of a Bus stop. I asked how I can get off the island, and some older lady told me there is a ferry leaving soon. People were already running. Then I tried to find someone who was smoking, so I could bum a cigarette, since I did not have any, having meen smoke free for over 4 weeks. 

A few nights ago I had a dream that I was with friends, on a vacation, something with a boat, our boat, and taking pictures, and my sister steering the boat in a weird way. 

June 30th: A terrible hotel room

Again, with old co-workers, such as Gavin, at some Bath or Hotel or both. I had a wetsuit on when at the Bath, since I'm unhappy with my post pregnancy body, and ashamed of it. I had some to do with Gavin. At my room, when I got it, I had to put the trash bins where I wanted and in the bathroom there were make-up on behalf of the hotel. But it was old, used and so 80's. The room itself was terrible, with no window and brown interior from the 70's or 80's. I tried to put it in a condition where I could dare to ask Gavin to come in. About the make-up I was wondering if I could just throw it away or hide it, since I could not have Gavin think it's my make-up. 

June 29th: Killer Crocodile and a vacation

Me and my sister were on vacation or something at this huge house or mansion by the beach. Next door was a party and it was a DB party. I met lots of old colleagues and was looking for Gavin. I saw him a few times, but he never noticed me. Then when I was inside I met an old friends, who was expecting their second child. Then Gavin noticed me. We had a talk. (Can't remember about what and how it went). Back at our mansion, late at night, my sisters black poodle run out to the sea. Suddenly a huge super angry crocodile tried to attack and I called at the dog to come inside, quickly before the crocodile reaches us. Then it attacked a deer, which was with a rhino, or half a rhino. It was a total bloodbath. Then it looked like it was snowing, but where we was, snow was not possible, it was sand that was soft as flour, and I asked my sister to come an look and I took a photo. 

June 28th: 8 dogs and a killer truck

I was in the City Center, close to where my old job at DB was. Gavin was there with 8 dogs. When he noticed me (I think I was with my sister), we got to talking and then he was about to give us a ride. He had this HUGE monstertruck, which was a BMW and then another truck, with which he gave us a ride. 

June: Fights, woodpeckers and the 70's

We had broken up with A, and he had already made up 10 dates, within just a week. I was furious.

I was planting cucumbers and there was a woodpecker who stole the seeds. It was small, and red. Did not look anything like normal woodpecker, more like a "firebird". I got to pet it. 

A and I were living temporarily at my grandparents house, which was really old school, like 70's style. We decided to stay longer and started to change things to more current style, more "us". 

June 24th: Dirty doctor & a ribbed penis

I had to go to the dictor and I got this one doctor who I've a complaint about. I tried to hold it together but shouted at him, told him he's a sick pervetic man who I can't stand to even look at and I'm still sick from how he treated me at the post pregnancy check. Nurces were listening and the looked like they understand me. The doctor tried to explain his behaviour, but it was such bullshit. 

I was in bed with a friend (who's a sort of "close to, but never done anything"). I told him I did not want to see his penis, nor touch it, I want to feel how it feels inside (because he'd a big guy and should have atleast a normal size penis, but I'm afraid it'd be small). For some reason, however, I gave him head as foreplay. His penis was vertically ribbed. I thought it migght be if he's shaved and then some hait was growing back. In the morning I noticed he was living with lot's of people or a roommate and was wondering if he's got a girlfriend or what the hell... He had atleas very clean sheets, in bithe beds. I wanted to make his bed but felt weird with the other peoplw being there, and he jad already left for work.

June 23rd: Töölö

I was going to Töölö (part of Helsinki). I had baby C with me. For some reason I did not drive all the way, took a wrong turn and decided to walk the last part. Ehile still drivong I was thinking how beautiful that part of the city was (where ever I was). When walking I was thinking if I should move to Helsinki. It was a sunny hot summer day. Then I was in Kallio, and some older lady stood at the street looking up, at a white drug addict really skinny woman holding a black approx. 6-8month baby girl, and smoking. I was thinking "omg poor baby, I hope she doesn't die, having to breathe all the smoke". Continued walking and told baby C that we're going to ride a tram.

June 21st: Haircut

I was on my way to the hairdresser with my sister. We were running late and I was hoping that I won't loose my booking. We finally found the place (can't remember what it was called). A super tiny place, where my sister had gone before. The hairdresser, a man, asked if I was "the 20", although what he meant was "the 10 o'clock", and it was now 20 past. Yes. Then I realised that I had just been to the hairdresser a week ago, and said I don't really see the point in me being there. Then he said he has to charge me for one hour, so he can cut my hair for an hour. I said, ok, that I could try some new cut, like my sisters, and looked at her dark short hair. I sat in the chair, that bent like a dentist chair, and lay there while he started to cut really short bangs for me, and I was thinking what the hell will come out of all of it.