Shopping

I was with a friend (and maybe my sister) out "shopping". I was holding my friends bags, so I had 3 or 4 and was saying "hope no one thinks these are all mine".. that I'm some "crazy bag lady" and was fooling around with the bags. Then I noticed a pair for light blue Chanel shoes on a top shelf. I really wanted them, but they were 225 bux. And I thought it's way too expensive for me, with my parental allowance. 

Choking baby and back to work

My bG was vomiting and had really bad watery diarrhoea. 

I was back at work, don't really know who had hired me back or what I was supposed to do. I started cleaning up the web page mess the blond who was working in my place had done. My sister sat next to me, doing something. Then Gavin went to the coffee machine, like I' never left that job. Then Irina came and said "that's misspelled..!", I told her I'm not finished, asked what product page and hadn't even started on that one. The amount of errors on the page made me say "I just wish I had my own pet shop".

I heard weird sounds from the baby monitor and went to check on my bG and her mouth fast full of some stuffed animals filling and couldn't breathe, so I started to take it out and there was just coming more and more out of her mouth, but she was able to breathe better for every piece I took out. 

Fluffy cats and crazy neighbours

I was sleeping with my bG next to me, and on of our cats, who was super fluffy and huge.

We had just moved to out new apartment and I was going crazy because of the neighbours. I was already thinking that I want to move. In front out our building they were building another house. Suddenly people had moved in. From our bathroom was an opening to an apartment which wasn't even finished (although neither was that bathroom, but it was free access to our apartment. Suddenly someone opened our door and looked inside, luckily went back out. It was some worker guy who didn't know our apartment was already finished and we had moved in. Because our next door neighbour was super loud and crazy I posted a note on their door wishing they'd be more quite because of our baby. When they saw the note the guy went all crazy. Started yelling and acting totally insane. I looked through the door eye and he was dressed like a girl, with fake lashes and everything. The girlfriend was super calm and looked embarrassed. Then I also noticed that I could get a parking lot inside, on the top floor of the building where our apartment was, was a parking lot and I could get a space right outside our bedroom window. When I did park my car there, some jerk neighbour parked his and I said I have to get my kid out of the car on his side, so I kindly ask him not to park his car too close to mine, or I have to call him and ask him to come and move his, for me to get my kid in or out of the car. 

Past 2 nights - full moon

I've seen a lot of dreams for the past two nights, each more crazy than the other. I can't remember much when I wake in the morning, should've written notes down at night, but was too tired to do it, here's what I do remember

I met a former colleague, who married my former boss. She had a huge diamond ring (only in it for the money) and they had a kid and all. I was then to go live in her apartment (temporarily) so I went to check it out. First everything seemed really great, but then I was a pair of feet sticking out from under neath a blanket. I asked and "oh it's my roommate". She had a roommate sleeping in every single vacant room, and even the closets. I was thinking it will never work, mo god I don't want to live with 10 other people. My former boss then stood by the window and looked scared or disgusted. I asked what's wrong and why aren't they living in some fancy apartment, in his apartment, and he said his ex had drained him from everything, even his apartment. And hi hates Taras place, that "look there's some guy standing in the street". When I asked about the amount of people living there he said "Well look at this place, you can't afford to keep it without renting out some rooms". The place was worn out, old, not fancy.. it was just big.

I was to go get my bG form her room, when A grabbed me for a hug. Suddenly there was some ballot show that started playing in front of us, with half naked dancers, with really tiny boobs but they all had the exact same small light brown puffy nipples. Most had only some stocking type of pants and some underpants on. The music was some " dumdididumdadidum HUNGEEEER....." over and over again. It was awful, and I wanted A to let me go so I can go to my bG's room. 

A horrible mother in law and baked goods

I was at the airport waiting for my mother in law to bring me my ticket. Who A's other relatives where treating me like garbage. They were on A's moms side, on the matter that I might be leaving A because he's a jerk and taking my bG with me, or too afraid to go against her. I suddenly, while waiting took a shower in some bathroom at the airport, where some younger guy was too, I was embarrassed by my post pregnancy body but he didn't mind (he as fully dressed). We mostly just talked about what stuff there was in the bathroom, like a jacuzzi etc. When I was done, A's mom was outside with everyone else. I did not get a plane ticket since she had cancelled mine. I cried to her boyfriend about it but he was too afraid to go against her. 

I was looking for some baked creamy goods, and looking around checking that no one could see me buy any sweet creamy stuff, since I should loose weight. 

Not sure if last night or the night before: Were about to shoot fireworks, instead there were planes, like super futuristic, starters kind of planes and one went up, stopped, and down from it was a ski slope that 2 former colleagues was snowboarding down, and then came to talk to me. 

After becoming a mom

A while went by when I did not have the chance to sleep enough to dream, or I was too busy taking care of the baby to have time to write down anything and then forgot what the dream was about. But here are some, and the last two nights (from oldest until today).

November 22nd 2015
I was in an elevator that never stopped on the right floor, and there was some touching hands that came from the walls. Than A appeared and pushed a button and the elevator stopped at this huge square, and I saw our hotel. We had a fight. Then this fat chick from school, Susanna, walked past me with a pink shirt. Then me and A made up. 

Something about a party, I took a piece of bread from a bag and asked A something about him and weed, he took a bad and said "yes 2 different kinds" and I got a bit upset and worried that he was going to smoke in my dads new car and will drop the joint and burn a hole in the seat. 

December 5th 2016
A had bought a house and left me alone in it. It was from the 70's or something. It was getting dark outside, and there was no lights in the house. It was very scary and many doors outside that were all unlocked and a very scary basement so I ran outside and no neighbours near by and I was too afraid to go back inside. 

December 10th 2015
I was at some seminar and I had my bG (baby girl) with me. Suddenly I was outside, and drove in a ditch. All I could think about was my bG, is she ok. She wasn't with me. I went back to the seminar, where I apparently had left her. I had no memory of why I had left. I noticed some social worker had come and taken my bG, and since she was coughing, they said she had to stay with them, because I have left her alone, even though it was not my fault, I had lost 2h worth of my memory. 

December 18th 2015
There was a party at a friends house (near A's grandparents). A wasn't with me. I was talking to my mom, while checking out Chris's (my best bud from kindergarten) pants, well.. his "junk". He noticed it and asked me to follow him. I staid on a sofa and slept. When I woke he said he thought I'd come upstairs with him. When I went upstairs my bG was there in someones lap, with her head hanging down and was just laughing (but head filled with blood) so I yelled at the girls who was supposed to take care of my bG that she will het a head injury when they keep her head upside down. Then I was thinking that I hope A isn't at his grandparents and sees that I staid the night at a friends house. Then Chris's cousin kissed me and I thought I saw A walk to a car, but it was someone else. 

I was at a party and my ex Nick and his friend Jose was there and some girls were like "wow" and then Nick came and said hi, dressed as a tranny and had only on a see through top, and showed off his new silicone breasts. I told him I had become a mom and criticised his clothes and then after a while he came to seek for some sympathy dressed on underwear, some shirt and suspenders. Then I was talking to my friend Jonathan, who was congratulating me snd I was in a hurry to get to our bG pre-namegiving party at 3pm (15). Then I askd Hannah if it wasn't at 5 (17). Then I suddenly had 2 jackets with me and 3 pairs of shoes. At the store I was supposed to buy fish to my cats, but there were only packages that costed 10€ each and I started to open them at the cash register so they would melt faster, and found packages that costed only 3€. I then had 2 of each and it only costed 15€. At our house we had some games and drinks at the party. One game was that you had a weapon and you were supposed to stage a suicide and then take a picture and post it on Instagram... All the games were like this, and funny. 

December 29th 2015
Slipknot was playing at this venue for about only 50 people. Corey was Irish, it was dark, and everyone was clapping to the beat of The Blister Exists and I answered with my claps, but instead suddenly some Irish River Dansce music started playing. I went back stage and met Marilyn Manson and ? (I can't remember who the second person was) and asked fot a photo, but my own phone was in my jacket pocket, and my jacket was somewhere, but got a pic taken. I put loton on my hands and one of the guys sniffed my hands and the other was looking like WTF?!? When I went back to see Slipknot everyone had left, so I saw A and went over to him and he told me that someone had made a double booking so Slipknot had to stop their show. The band was on their way to the car when I just barely got to take a picture with Corey, although I was suddenly topless so I had to make sure my boobs were covered on the picture. When I got my photos from the photoshop someone had blurred out all the celebrities. When I called the photoshop to complain they said "You have to have the celebrities written permission, or we have to blur them out of the picture". 

I had a baby, that was like a worm. I accidentally dropped it on the ground and it started to vomit water and was looking at me with very sad watery eyes, like it was hurting in every way. Then suddenly it started to change in to our black cat, and I was relieved when he was ok, although a lot smaller and thinner than he is now. 

January 1st 2016
A had put my bG between a chair and the sofa, so she had fell in between and I could only see the head (and she was blond). She then wanted food, but I did not have time to give her any right away, so she started walking on the sofa, vertical on the back cushions (like towards the ceiling). Her head was hanging since she could not still hold it up. Then she jumped on the floor and I tried to get her and my phone to take a picture, as proof that my only 3 months old girls is walking and running. Them my sisters dog, K, was at our apartment and was like she came possessed by some evil spirit and she grew and became very dangerous. She tried to attack all my cats. I had to put my bG and cats in the bedroom and the dog on the balcony. I hurried to pack things so we could leave. The balcony door handle was loose and almost had came off and the dog attacked the windows and tried to come inside. In all the hurry I panicked and got a screwdriver, so that I could keep K outside a little while longer

January 2016

I was to have ménage à trois with A and some girl in what was supposed to be a hotel, but it looked like our swim center (brown tile walls on the inside, very old and ugly). Our "room" was like your space in a hospital. One big room divided in small "cubicles" with only this ugly greenish curtains between the beds. I said to A that this is not enough to keep others from seeing, and refused to have sex in such a place. 

I was driving in the city center behind a firetruck, that turned to where I hade previously come from, but I did not follow it, for some reason (even though I was to go where the truck went) I took the road that went straight. I ended up on a small wooden wall that was beside a construction site. I noticed it won't be wide enough to hold my car so I somehow jumped out of the car and ended up hugging the wall. Some construction worker guy called the firehouse and ambulance. I tried to move forward so I could slide off the wall, but it was impossible. Suddenly a guy was behind me, grabbed me and pushed me off the wall on a mattress. Then I was telling the rescuers how things like that happen when you're on maternity leave and have "extra time". One of the girls invited me to come and have ice-cream to their firehouse. It was next to the construction site, just a normal door in a apartment building. I never got my ice-cream so I sat down at the table with the rescue crew. We started talking about Chicago Fire, PD and Med. Then the girl who invited me for ice-cream started singing. Suddenly some firemen carried a you guy in, approx. 20, with a red sports jacket, who had lost his legs. He was yelling like crazy and the firemen just threw his legs down a pair of stairs, while putting a towel on his body to cover the wounds. I was thinking how the hell could they save his left when they just throw them around. 

2-3 dreams after each other where  A left me for some June chick and I screamed at him furious that he'll never get the ring back, and then I deleted him and all his relatives from IG and our my bG group chat. 

It was the Ice Hockey Championship and I was wearing some super old team shirt, which I had gotten from my mom (to have some supportive wear), and the one I had beneath was super old and worn out and full of holes. 

I was supposed to buy some pink marker or jelly pen and they were after the cash register, so I wanted to pay before hand, but the girl never took any payment and I asked for a card and she gave me one. Only for me to notice when I was leaving that it was some kind of an example card, which was already filled in. When I was going to buy those pink things, I walked to the bin where they were, and noticed the were 16 bux each, so I then asked a girl what to do and she told me to take one, then come back to the cash register... but I'd had to go out of the store, across the parking lot and inside the store again.

February 5th 2016
I was attacked by wolves, or they tried to get me.

February 10th 2016
Our workplace was like a dorm and office. Gavin had his own room and when his door was closed I was wondering if he's there on his bed, watching TV, sleeping or jerking off, and how can I get him to come to my room? Then suddenly I woke up at my grandmas place and I did not want to get up, since I was very embarrassed about something I had done, with Gavin, last night while very drunk. Then my room was somehow in the middle so he was going to have to walk through it. I was thinking I have to take a shower or spray a good scent and sleep, so that when he walks through my room, he'll notice it. I was walking back and forth in my room in only my bra, hoping he might see me. My mom and dad was waiting for me outside, in my moms old Nissan Micra, I saw them threw the window. I sent them a message "I'll be down soon, I was sleeping" (the had been waiting for about half an hour). 

February 29th 2016
I was in labour, to have a little Carl. I was walking outside, it was winter, then I was in some kind of a room that looked more like a small town cheap hair dresser. Then suddenly the baby was inside of my bG (only 5 months), and little Carl was born, and although super premature he was 48cm and 2800g. I then was walking outside again, thinking I should send a message to A telling him I had our son. (And no, I'm not pregnant again, nor do I know if I want more children, I'm more of a "one kid mom").

March 2016
Some black guy was taking pictures of my car when it was parked in the city center, because I had gotten a ticket for parking on the yellow line, while I was at a job interview. I got super furious at him and started yelling at him. When I was walking back to my car, I had a cigarette, so that I wouldn't smell of smokes when I pick up my bG, and then I started wondering who is looking after her, that I hope I didn't leave her alone at home sleeping. 

For some reason "Gavin" has again been on my mind. Maybe it's the difficulties we have at home with A, and the fact that I've been living and sleeping alone for a week now, so my body needs excitement.

March 16th 2016
I was at some workplace and hadn't seen Gavin in 1,5 years and I could not stop looking at him every chance I had. He was looking back, and smiling and I couldn't help but wonder if still had the hots for me, as I did for him. At the end I went over to where he (and others) sat and washed my hands and did not dry them, just shook off the water and was flirty and took a glimpse at him while walking by and he was smiling at me. 

March 17th 2016
I was working with Gavin. Our seating was changed so that we to shared a booth. Th lighting was always a bit dark. We had these wooden posts around our booth and I was already thinking how I can keep my hands to myself while we are working, and wondering if he was thinking the same. Then the dream was mostly about me just wanting to touch him every single second. We were sitting close, talking business. Then he said he thought he'd put up posters between the posts so it's more private. All I could think about was that then we can do some touching and flirting without anyone seeing us. 

March 19th 2016
I went in to this interior store, to find something for my bG and saw this woman making balloons, so I wanted one. It was somehow supposed to be filled only with a little air and then it would grow by itself. Mine didn't, it was leaking. I'm not quite sure if it was red or pink. Then I met an old schoolmate.  I was trying to avoid him but he saw me. Then we started walking together and talking and we saw these police cars and wondered if "they are looking for the dad that went missing". Some boy had lost his dad by the harbour and people were thinking he'd drowned so we went to see if they had found him, but the cops drove away, so apparently not.