Beginning of March 2018: Practice and sex...

Lately I've had 2 things that stress me out: my upcoming practice in a hospital (for the fist time) and whether or not I will have sex with this one guy, or not. We had a shower together 2 weeks ago and he said the sex will come "next time"... But when is "next time". At times it seems like there won't be a next time, and then suddenly he might surprise me with a picture, but that's all I get. So I had a dream where we had sex, but all I could see was us before and after. Then I've had dreams where A has somehow interrupted everything.

Last night I was in some poolarea on a party late at night with my friends, wore a green bikini and was hugged by my friend L. We were close but it was just as friends. He has a way of hugging very passionately, so one girl said to me "looks like you want more, you know he's taken, right? so you're basically cheating". I won't lie, the touch and hugs felt good, but for real, he's not the one I want, it's M..

I've also had several dreams of me being in a hospital for practice and even though I try my best, my teacher is not satisfied. I've had to watch over a patient after surgery, who was still covered in blood all over, and help in daily stuff, having everyone mad at me for not helping. Last night it was my first day again and we were sitting in a room waiting to be picked up by our supervisors, and one guy had forgot to bring toothpaste so he got shower duty, as a punishment. And I was put in the wrong waiting-room with another girl. 

Jan 1-3rd, 2018: Sex

I haven't been dreaming much for the past 6 months. I've been stressed out and slept very poorly. But after a New Years Kiss, something changed, and since, I've had sex in my dreams, every night:

Jan 1st: The guy who kissed me, Newbie, on New Years Eve, was in my dreams. We were hanging out at my place. H looked at my sheets and asked when I have changed them. I told him within a week, they looked like they were just changed. He still asked if I could change them. Then I lay on his lap and he was rubbing my boobs. Then I was touching his chest and his tattoos (which he don´t have in real life) and he was looking at mine. I really needed to go to the toilet (poop) so we both went to the bathroom (separate) and cleaned up before having sex. 

Jan 2nd: I had sex with John Beaver, also a friend from the New Years party. Can't remember much more than the kissing before...

I also got an offer to come back to work. But I had my school (I'm studying to become a nurse), so I was struggling with going back or staying in school, of if it was possible to do both, since there was a risk that I'd have work 2 years and then again get laid off because of cost cuts. 

Jan 3rd: I was visiting my old job, which had moved to new premises. They had a party and I saw Gavin flirting and then kissing another old co-worker. I asked if he was like that since I left and another co-worker told me he's been sleeping around with all the girls. And that his wife (or fiancé) knows it.  I pulled him aside and asked what the hell he's doing and why he's after that nasty woman. We fought a while and then decided that we're going to go have sex. So we took a hotel room  At the respepion the lady told she only had one room left, and it's nice byt has ants in the sink. Gavin hesitated and I told him we're not going to need the kitchen so does it matter? However we got another room, and went and had great sex. Afterwards it really felt like we finally had the best sex.

June 2017: Something about this time of the year (still a single mom)

I've had some dreams, one about my apartment being renovated even though it's a 6 months old building. And my dad dying in an accident and my mom and me talking that "It'd been better if he'd been alone in the car". I think he had a heart attack or something.

And then... Gavin is back. It's been 4,5 years since he kissed me. 3,5 years since we almost had sex, and 3 years since we had sex. He's still haunting me. I haven't even had dreams about my ex, as often as I do of Gavin. Usually if it's about the ex, he's done something wrong with our kid to piss me off and not trust him. But about Gavin the dreams seem to reflect on me being afraid he will (or already have) forget me. Within one week: I was going to meet Gavin, and I saw him walking towards me, when suddenly his fiancé showed up, next to him. Dressed super nice in a skirt and lace top. She smiled and said my name, like we were friends. I was disappointed since I thought I would get to be alone with Gavin. I started walking away from them. A couple of nights ago I got angry at Gavin. I was standing next to him, talking to him, but he didn't seem to notice me, at all. I was screaming for his attention, but still, nothing. I kicked him in the ass, and he saw me, but looked right through me, like I was air....

April 17th: What to wear for Gavin

I was getting food at the company canteen and I noticed Gavin. I went to change to a white summer dress, and when I got back I realised I needed a bra, since my nipples was maybe visible through the fabric. When I got back, Gavin was gone. He never even noticed me. I sat down and started planning on putting the blue shoulderless dress on tomorrow, so that he'd see me sexy, if he's eating at the same time as I am. 

April 16th: Moving (single mom)

I was moving to another apartment in our building, a smaller one, but it had a terrace and a small yard. It was however on the ground floor, and very close to the road. I was re-thinking the move since I was worried someone would break in and steal my cats, or break a window and the cats would run away. Then I realised the apartment had a plastig floor, not wooden like my current home. The toilet and shower had a whole body window straight towards the road, although the shower door was milk glass. I was ready to back off the move, but my other neighbours, Danny & Eve, had already started to pack my things and move in, in my apartment, even though there was still 1,5 weeks left for me to move out. I was upset since she'd packed all my facial creams and I could not find them after a shower.

April 15th: Kissing a friend (single mom)

I was hanging out with Joe, and thinking about kissing him, since there was something in the air. We kissed and I felt something, again... Then we just went on like nothing, and I was wondering if he liked it or if it was just a kiss. 

April 4th: Friends with benefiths (single mom)

A dream with a workout cycle, spa, swimming, blueberries, my sisters company retreat day, some investigator...

There was a family party and my first boyfriend, Chris, was there, with his family. We had something going on and I suggested sex after we kissed. The dream ended. 

The same dream continued and I wondered if we should have sex again. Chris said yes, and that Thursdays would be good, and we should text about it, using code words, so his wife doesn't understand. They then left and Chris' dad was downstairs in Anns house, really hung over.