June 2017: Something about this time of the year (still a single mom)

I've had some dreams, one about my apartment being renovated even though it's a 6 months old building. And my dad dying in an accident and my mom and me talking that "It'd been better if he'd been alone in the car". I think he had a heart attack or something.

And then... Gavin is back. It's been 4,5 years since he kissed me. 3,5 years since we almost had sex, and 3 years since we had sex. He's still haunting me. I haven't even had dreams about my ex, as often as I do of Gavin. Usually if it's about the ex, he's done something wrong with our kid to piss me off and not trust him. But about Gavin the dreams seem to reflect on me being afraid he will (or already have) forget me. Within one week: I was going to meet Gavin, and I saw him walking towards me, when suddenly his fiancé showed up, next to him. Dressed super nice in a skirt and lace top. She smiled and said my name, like we were friends. I was disappointed since I thought I would get to be alone with Gavin. I started walking away from them. A couple of nights ago I got angry at Gavin. I was standing next to him, talking to him, but he didn't seem to notice me, at all. I was screaming for his attention, but still, nothing. I kicked him in the ass, and he saw me, but looked right through me, like I was air....

April 17th: What to wear for Gavin

I was getting food at the company canteen and I noticed Gavin. I went to change to a white summer dress, and when I got back I realised I needed a bra, since my nipples was maybe visible through the fabric. When I got back, Gavin was gone. He never even noticed me. I sat down and started planning on putting the blue shoulderless dress on tomorrow, so that he'd see me sexy, if he's eating at the same time as I am. 

April 16th: Moving (single mom)

I was moving to another apartment in our building, a smaller one, but it had a terrace and a small yard. It was however on the ground floor, and very close to the road. I was re-thinking the move since I was worried someone would break in and steal my cats, or break a window and the cats would run away. Then I realised the apartment had a plastig floor, not wooden like my current home. The toilet and shower had a whole body window straight towards the road, although the shower door was milk glass. I was ready to back off the move, but my other neighbours, Danny & Eve, had already started to pack my things and move in, in my apartment, even though there was still 1,5 weeks left for me to move out. I was upset since she'd packed all my facial creams and I could not find them after a shower.

April 15th: Kissing a friend (single mom)

I was hanging out with Joe, and thinking about kissing him, since there was something in the air. We kissed and I felt something, again... Then we just went on like nothing, and I was wondering if he liked it or if it was just a kiss. 

April 4th: Friends with benefiths (single mom)

A dream with a workout cycle, spa, swimming, blueberries, my sisters company retreat day, some investigator...

There was a family party and my first boyfriend, Chris, was there, with his family. We had something going on and I suggested sex after we kissed. The dream ended. 

The same dream continued and I wondered if we should have sex again. Chris said yes, and that Thursdays would be good, and we should text about it, using code words, so his wife doesn't understand. They then left and Chris' dad was downstairs in Anns house, really hung over. 

March 9th: I want you (single mom)

I was in Germany, and living in Denmark. I met my old friend Ae. We were drinking and then suddenly my collegue Jane, from Denmark, was with us. She was super drunk and stood on a table. She had no panties and only a short light blue dress on. Ae was drooling over her "parts" and I tried to tell her to sit down and him to let it go. Then were were talking and Ae kissed me. After that I could not let him go, we were kissing a lot. Then when I had to leave we made a deal to meet again, soon. I was thinking if he'd be ready to be a dad to my girl... if it got serious. Then his sister was there and he was trying to hide our thing, just to be a little secreative. 

March 8th: Always late (single mom)

I was going to an etrance exam an I was always late. First my mom drove on the wrong side of the highway to oncoming traffic and there was my 2 neighbours with us, I was ceuing that we're 10 minutes late and now I won't get in!!! Then I needed the toilet and found just one with lots of doors and basically no privacy, and when I was peeing a male friend popped up from a booth and saw me since the walls were mirrors, ans I asked him not to look. Then in the last one mu dad drove me, but we had didficulties finding a parking space. When he did, he accidentally put on reverse and almost hit a truck. My dads car was unharmed, but the truck got big white lines. The owner came out of a house and started shouting. My dads car actually never hit the truck... I had to run to the exam. 

I wonder if this is a sign that I'm pursuing the wrong line of work, even though it's my passion...?

Feb 22nd, 2017: Stuck in a hotel (single mom)

I was at the movies when suddenly some bad guys came in with guns. Every one tried to escape in the dark room but there were some bad guys sitting in the seats, so you never knew who you were passing. I got away, to my hotel room (apparently the movie theatre was in the same building). I was with a friend and we were looking for ways to escape. Close to my room there was a cleaning closet, which was all white, with an air shaft, so we tired to follow some girl who went up. We got in, but I was so big I barely got through the hole. We had to get back down however because the next hole was half as big. I hid in my room. It felt like I had been there for weeks, when a friend of mine came and asked what I was still doing there. We went out of my room, downstairs to the pool area. Since the hotel was empty, and we were already there, we thought we might as well stay and relax. I didn't have anything nice to wear, so we went through the swim wear they were selling. Since the hotel was empty, who would care if we just took new ones. I found a good piece and then suddenly the old hotel manager, who was one of the bad guys, came dressed as a waiter and wanted to charge us 20 bux for a cup of coffee. I said something like "oh, so things didn't turn out so well for you". Then suddenly people started pouring in and everywhere I looked there was someone I've had sex with, Larry, Tony, El Nino.. up to 10 guys, and I was nervous that they'd all find out that I've slept with all of them, since some were friends. I was also stressed that they'd see the fat and cellulite I still have left after my pregnancy. 

Feb 4th, 2017: Trip to Turkey (single mom)

I was on a school trip in Turkey. We were on a steam boat and our teacher told us that we are not allowed to "touch" each other in "romantic ways". I needed to go to the toilet, but there was no paper, however after a while I did find soma and could go. The Tonys sister (Anet) asked me to take pictures, but they were all blurry. We were then in the water, swimming and my guy (who was a mix of A, Larry and Gavin) was touching me, playing with me in the water, and made me all horny. The water was incredible, so clear and warm and turquoise, but close by, at shore, they were tearing a huge house down, so there was a awful noise. When the night came, me and my guy were about to have sex but we didn't because he had issues with Anet, who he had sex with the night before, but he wanted me really bad. The next morning we were in Germany, and there were houseboats, like in Amsterdam Holland. I was telling someone who was going to stay there, about the houseboats and pirates. Before we were leaving, we went to that nice swimming place again, this time in a rubber dinghy, and I tried to get room to sit, but Anet was taking the whole space in front o my guy. When finally there I was really stressed on where to put my phone, so that I could take pictures, but so it doesn't get wet, and if I were to leave it on the beach, that no one will steal it. 

Jan 7th, 2017: Lost at the airport (single mom)

I was at a party, drinking. That guy my sister is putting me on a date with was there and the next thing I remember is that I was at the airport  just getting out of one plane and supposed to have another fligt, or get my bags. I saw the guy but never spoke to him. I think I was avoiding him, becuse we had been super drunk and I think we had sex, vut I wasn't sure. The airport was super complicated and huge. These stairs went up and down and swerly flat and I was totally lost. I just followed others and finally I knew how to get to the baggage point.