The past week

For the past week I've seen so many dreams, some of really crazy. At this point I can only remember pieces, since I just wrote down some of the main things on paper, but I'll try and describe the dreams as close to how they were, as possible.

I was drawing pictures of seals on a paper.

Something about this guy "D" who I've been seeing since Easter.

My ex had joined Facebook again, and Tinder at the same time.

"D" called me. He was back at home. He said he had gotten a ride from his bestie (who's a girl) and he'd been drinking a lot and they had sex. Before explaining the whole situation he said "We don't have to talk anymore". I asked him several times what he meant by that, but he just kept saying the same over and over again. Then it was like he'd left the phone somewhere and didn't listen. I called him back and he said the same again. I asked him to explain what he meant, since I didn't care that he slept with her and told him that "since we're not together, we've only had sex a few times and been dating so you can do what you want". But then he wanted to see me and we were laying on my clutch in my apartment, which was actually my parents apartment and they were at home.

This one famous DJ and I was on something like Tinder and we became a match. He then started chatting with me, like FaceTime and I thought we were just going to chat, but he wanted me to undress and show my boobs, and he would then show his penis. I told him I wasn't there to do that sort of stuff and closed the conversation.

I was with my sister. We were driving this really old crappy car. We were looking for a parking space for a really long time and then finally found one and parked the car in the city center and our parents were there and I asked them to hold this cake I had. At some point we were in a café. We were going out with the girls and the group of us were walking in the city during the night. We walked towards this star gazing / astronomy house and I thought the view looked really cool and thought that I'd take a picture and post it on Instagram so "D" could see it. All of this was in Sweden or Denmark.

We baked this cake for mom, since it was Mother's Day. I woke up in the morning to find that the frosting had melted. The whole cake was just a wet sugary cake with sugar paste flowers on it.

I was at the hairdresser and coloured my hair dark brown and cut bangs. Just like my mom's hair, so I looked just like her, but 20 years younger.

Me and my mom, and my sister and dad were there too but not with us all the time, were at some gala. We were walking around and then got these Veuve Clicquot giftbags with a VC camera and then there were some salmon cubes.

My sister and ? was with the dogs along on this trip. There was some UFO thing and they were going there or coming from there. I told her I'd be sending her a message or calling her when I'm in Sweden.

I was at some party. My 2 new small tattoos I took had totally faded. I could only see some small parts left of them. One of them also had these extra lines that weren't there from the beginning. I was trying to cover them up so Gavin wouldn't see them, since he liked them earlier when I had just gotten them. I was looking for a toilet. A friend of mine, who's place we were in, showed me to this toilet in one of the bedrooms, that was hidden under clothes. I went there, it was really small, and then while sitting on the toilet I noticed this girl I know ( who was also living there but not joining the party,) laying in the bathtub. The bath area and toilet was decided with shelves so she couldn't see me.  Since I wasn't supposed to be in the toilet I tried to be really quiet so she wouldn't see me, but then I managed to drop her make-up kit and she saw me. We had a small chat and then I was done.

My breast had swollen a lot from my pills.

I was in my Ex's sisters Sarahs apartment about to return some clothes. She told me I can keep 3 pairs of pants. Then I needed to change, and she had these big windows, and I needed to leave the bags of clothes somewhere where no one could see them from the outside.

I was participating in some bike and running marathon. During a brake we had we could all take a shower.  But all of us, most people from work were there and we had to share the shower. The towels were really tiny white ones. I didn't have one so I had to borrow from a co-worker. When I was taking the shower, Gavin and 2 other guys from work were there sitting on a bench, waiting for their turn, and I was looking at Gavins penis.

Me and my sister had thrown a party at our parents house. They came home in the middle of the night from some vacation. In the morning, before they had woken, I noticed a lot of cigarette buds on the terrace floor that had frozen to the floor and ground and I told my sister we have to clean up everything before mom and dad wake up. Then my sister was sleeping and I was in the house and there was some Boogieman after me so I went and hid between my sisters bed and the wall, under a blanket and I could see the Boogieman entering the room.

Lately

I've seen a lot of dreams for the past week, but I can only remember them the minute I wake up and then.. it's gone. What I can remember is:

I had a dream about this guy I met during the Easter holidays. Nothing sexual.. just a dream where he was with.

Me and my sister were trying to figure out how to get a red clown nose to fit my kitten and to keep it from falling of. We had these burly rainbow colored clown wigs and the red clown noses.

Last night I was going in to surgery. I was at the hospital, late from the surgery and could not find the room. I always went to the same direction and found the wrong rooms.. one of the numbers was 61. My doctor was getting ready. Then he explained to me what he will do during the surgery to my throat. It was supposed to be on the outside (one I've had before) and I was thinking about the pain I will have after. Even though it wouldn't actually hurt when I swallow, the surgery was going to somehow hurt my throat from the inside and I was going to have some tiny tube in my throat when I wake, which I would feel when I swallow. When I did find the room, I waited for the doctor, but he was late.

Not sure...

Last night I had a dream about Gavin, or a dream about dreaming about Gavin... (?)

So close... again

I was at work thinking about Gavin and sex and asking myself when there would be the chance to have sex? I was somehow communicating with him (messaging, chatting, looking at each other?). Gavin was married or engaged, every now and then he had a gold ring on his ringfinger. Then me and, Gavin and this other guy went to lunch. We had agreed on having sex during the lunch break so no now would wonder how we're away at the same time. We could not just skip so we had to ask that older guy for some advice. Gavin asked the guy "If we were about to have sex now, do you think it's a good idea? You've been there so you know.". The older guy said it's up to us and he won't tell anyone though. So we skipped. We were just walking and talking, mostly this and that and where we should do it. Then we were by the sea, in the woods. I had to go to the toilet and found this one pretty ok one. Gavin asked if we should go to the ones with the blue doors to have sex, but I went in to another toilet since I didn't really want to do it in a public toilet and hoped he didn't find me. Then when I saw Gavin, he was my old friend "Thomas" (who I haven't seen in 2-3 years). He kissed me and it was like we were supposed to have sex. I didn't want to. The next thing I remember is that we were in some apartment and I just woke up. I had sleepy hair and luckily all my clothes still on. I looked around, saw Thomas in another room and though "Oh no I need to get back to work, I've been gone 4h, what's Gavin gonna think?". Then I got up, talked to Thomas, or just told him I have to go and pretty much ditched him. When I got to work I looked like I'd been sleeping or having sex. I was look at Gavin and he didn't really notice me, except that he looked like he was thinking I'd slept with someone else during the time I was away. Then Gavin and I started messaging on WhatsApp and talking about doing it, how I felt about all this "almost doing it" and that I can't taking it anymore, and about what we'd do to each other. Then he said we'd do it today or tomorrow (?) and this time for real and no postponing no matter what. 

Play, while having company

Last night I finally (again) had a more interesting dream, or actually, one that I could remember more than 2 seconds after wakening.

I was at the stables, which was somehow connected to some work thing or meeting. I was walking around with my co-worker (a woman) and talking this and that. Then we got to this room (that looked like this one room at the horse stables where I hang out) and I was looking for the cat. I saw the cat door and thought that it will come "home" when it's hungry. There was (in addition to what the room normally has) a big table and a couple of benches. The next thing I know is that I sat next to Gavin, with lots of co-workers surrounding us. We were having a lunch meeting. I touched him on his leg, close to his crotch and he said "Hey hey, so you're touching me now. Not here and not now!". I got a bit mad at him and was like "Fine!". My co-worker (the woman) was looking at us and then this other guy noticed there was something. Later, I sat in the same spot but we were just hanging out. Then Gavin kissed me. He grabbed my cheeks and KISSED ME! I was confused and not ready to kiss him back, so I looked like a blow fish. I asked how he could do that, in front of everyone, but I'm not allowed to touch him!? He said it was different and a kiss is nothing. I was scared that we'd get fired because he did it like that, out in the open. My co-worker (the woman) was still there hanging out with us, but everyone else had left. Gavin got a hard on and since he had a huge penis (in this dream) I could see it through his pants. I was telling him to hide it, since someone "else" could also see. He didn't. I was playing with his penis for a while, touching it, rubbing it, getting extremely horny and biting him. Then I was on the bed, without any pants on, getting touched by Gavin. I apologized for a barely there stubble, since I had not planned on having sex and I had no time in the morning to shave. Had I known there was a chance I would've shaved. We still had company so I was a bit preserved. And then I was dressed, sitting next to that co-worker (the woman) and Gavin was still naked, standing on his kneeson the bed, with a hard on, showing off his huge penis. Then there was something with us (Gavin and me) as lovers, kissing, in love like, but still not together, but alone, that same evening. 

Still not getting any

Crazy weird dream and I'm starting to forget things so here's what I remember:

We had some sort of a family reunion weekend that happened partially at home and partially in Austria and partially in Sweden. And to this family reunion attend half of our family, a friends family and "T". First there was just some planning. We were just us kids, at this really cool house with a pool. We had something going on with "T" and then the next thing I know, it was morning. I had totally blanked out and had no idea of what had happened. 

Something, something...

We discussed last night with "T" which led to me starting to remember something, us being in a hot tub (like a huge one) that was outside. I was stressing about what he might have thought about my body, but did not say anything. 

At some point we talked with "T" about if I'm drinking tonight and he said "I still don't know what sex with you feels like", hinting that we'd sleep together. 

Then we were at some amusement park. I think we took some train there. We wanted to go to this water slide but there was always such a long queue. One ride was this weird shut down thing, but the mechanic came and put me in a seat and said it was fine, that he's been keeping it working. During the ride I almost flew off since I had to hold on tight because the saftystrap was missing. The end of a ride was like a car wash. As the last slide we went to this other water slide thing where I got so much water in my nose I thought I'd drown. 

Walking away from the amusement park we saw a hole and 2 cameras outside this market. My sister went to look. It was a body grave, in the middle of the city. Someone had been murdered and the cops had found a scull. My sister started kicking the ground and I asked her to stop since she can get busted for interrupting police work. 

At some point when looking out the window we saw our neighbour kill another man. Later we found out the "killed" man was a cop trying to catch that neighbour guy and he'd been wearing a west so he was pretending to die. 

At the family reunion dinner we were divided into 2, due to space and language issues. So "T" was put in the downstairs dining area with the other family. A friend of mine who's pregnant came there with belly where you can already see the baby and she asked me to feel it move. I didn't feel anything because she was holding the baby in her arms. It had a really flush nose and vas really crying out of pain. She was petting it like a cat and while the baby boy got calmer, started to purr like a cat. I wanted to start drinking so that we could all get mixed up and not be divided in to 2 tables, so I could join "T". Who sometimes was "T" and sometimes was a friends cousin, but just the appearance changed, not the fact that it was "T". When I asked my dad what there was to drink he said "white wine and beer".. So nothing for me? I luckily had some drinks of my own and took 6 and my sister asked to get 5. A while later I was checking out the other group of people but "T" was there in the middle so I thought I'd get some more courage to steal him away a little bit later. 

All I got again during the dream was some dirty talking, kissing, thoughts about having sex and looks...

Roller coaster subway ride

I've started to forget bits and pieces so there's not much to tell but this is what I remember:

We were on some company business trip and about to take a subway ride. The Subway was more like a underground roller coaster and one "train" could only fit 3 people. I sat in the front, "Mike" in the middle and "Tracy" in the back. I was shit scared that we'll crash and die. The ride wsa dark, with only some red lights. At one point I was looking down at our feet and "Mike"'s feet were hugging mine, but he had no shoes. I asked him if he "won't get too cold (or was it hot?) since he's not got any shoes on". At the end of the ride we finally came to a Subway station, which looked like any normal Manhattan station. We got of and... then everything is blank.